# To Wrap Or Not To Wrap

# To Wrap Or Not To Wrap 

This the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas, when the Three Wise Men - Gaspar, Balthazar and (the other guy whose name escapes me right now…so I’ll make up a name) Herb - went to see the baby Jesus, and, according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh." 

These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an important, yet often-overlooked, theological fact:  There is no mention of wrapping paper.  If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have written, “And lo, the gifts WERE inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the paper WAS festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph WAS going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him….she saideth, 'Holdeth it! That is righteous paper! Saveth it for next year!' And Joseph DID rolleth his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus WAS more interested in the paper than, for example, the frankincense."

But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving those gifts had two important characteristics:

1)     They were wise – They did not wrap

2)     They were men – They were not women (Even though it looks like they wore clothing that resembled skirts or dresses.  We’ll take that up at a different time.)

The point I’m trying to make here is men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of “putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off”, as my husband, Bill, has said many times. It’s not just Bill’s opinion.  It is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two other guys I know. One is my late father, Jimmy, who said the only time he ever wrapped anything was if it was such a poor gift that he didn’t want to be there when the person opened it.  The other is my brother Marty, who told me that, yes, he does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle never takes more than 15 seconds per gift. "No one has ever wondered which presents I wrap at Christmas," Marty says. "They are the ones that look like enormous spitballs."

I must tell you, Bill has also wrapped some gifts, but he hates doing it.  The reason he hates it is because he says he can’t ever “make it look right.” There is of some kind of defect in his motor skills because he can never COMPLETELY wrap them. He could take a gift the size of a deck of cards and put it in the exact center of a piece of wrapping  paper the size of a regulation volleyball court, but when he is done folding and taping, you can still see a section of the gift  peeking out. (Sometimes he camouflages this section with a marking pen.) If he had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummification, after the wrapping was completed, the lower half of the dead Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape.  On the other hand, if you give me a 12-inch square of wrapping paper, I could wrap a C-130 cargo plane.  I, like many women, actually LIKE wrapping things. If I give a gift that requires batteries, I wrap the batteries separately, (Which, I must admit, is very close to being a symptom of mental illness.  But… I digress….) Anyway, Bill tells everyone that if it were possible, I would wrap each individual volt. Hmm, sounds like a challenge…bet I could do it!

Anyway, my point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills - like giving birth to babies - that come more naturally to women than to men.  Men also DON’T UNDERSTAND that wrapping is an art-form; wrapping is a skill that must be cultivated, refined and individualized to the recipient; they just don’t get that fact that even the recipient of a piece of gum that is wrapped with care will notice the intent of the wrapper and think, “WOW! This is wonderful!!”  They will then gaze around the room and think, “Look, every package has the same theme.  This whole room, and even the tree are coordinated in blues and pinks this year; unlike last year when the ribbon had flecks of gold and copper that matched the lights strung on the bushes outside and the chargers on which the dinner plates were placed.  This person always puts so much time and thought into every little detail of decorating and, oh, how ingenious, even wrapped this piece of gum!  We all know it didn't cost much, but, the fact that it is wrapped just proves that it truly is the thought that counts.  They must really think I’m special to wrap this gum and give it to me.  Oh Yum.  What a great gift.” 

Bill says, “Not! They’ll think, ‘WOW! How stupid do they think I am…trying to camouflage this piece of gum with wrapping paper? What is it made of? Frankincense or myrrh or something? Why didn't they just give me the gum, shove a glass of eggnog in my hand, wish me a Happy Holiday and give me a hug? I'm tired of talking so much about this, it's BS, let’s watch the game!’”

That is why today I am presenting this simple advice for all males:

# Gift Wrapping Tips for Men

1)       Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim that it's myrrh.

Side Note: The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to make your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch. I think I’ll try it.  Bill says, “They must be smoking crack!”

2)        If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper!  Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning.

Side Note:  WARNING! Bill says you might not want to try this option because he tried it once with his first girlfriend and lets just say, you won’t like how it turns out.  

            Here is what their conversation sounded like:

           GIRLFRIEND:         "Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?"

           BILL:                        "It's a gift! See? It has a beautiful, shiny bow!"

           GIRLFRIEND:         (peering into the trash bag): "It's a generator?"

           BILL:                        "Gas-powered! Five horsepower! For Emergencies!"

           GIRLFRIEND:         "I’m breaking up."

           BILL:                        "Oh come on now honey, I also got you some myrrh…..”

In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that it really IS “the thought that counts.”  But remember, when all else fails ….save the receipt and have some myrrh handy!

Oh and by the way, you can purchase your Frankincense and Myrrh at Creative Health Living .

Happy Holidays To You All!!