# To Wrap Or Not To Wrap
This the time of year when we think
back to the very first Christmas, when the Three Wise Men - Gaspar, Balthazar
and (the other guy whose name escapes me right now…so I’ll make up a name) Herb
- went to see the baby Jesus, and, according to the Book of Matthew,
"presented unto Him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh."
These
are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an important,
yet often-overlooked, theological fact:
There is no mention of wrapping paper.
If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have written, “And lo, the gifts WERE inside 600 square
cubits of paper. And the paper WAS festooned with pictures of Frosty the
Snowman. And Joseph WAS going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him….she
saideth, 'Holdeth it! That is righteous paper! Saveth it for next year!' And
Joseph DID rolleth his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus WAS more interested in the
paper than, for example, the frankincense."
But
these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very first
Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving those gifts
had two important characteristics:
1)
They were wise – They did not wrap
2)
They were men – They were not women (Even though it looks like
they wore clothing that resembled skirts or dresses. We’ll take that up at a different time.)
The
point I’m trying to make here is men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not
understand the point of “putting paper on
a gift just so somebody else can tear it off”, as my husband, Bill, has
said many times. It’s not just Bill’s opinion.
It is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two other guys
I know. One is my late father, Jimmy, who said the only time he ever wrapped anything
was if it was such a poor gift that he didn’t want to be there when the person
opened it. The other is my brother Marty,
who told me that, yes, he does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle never
takes more than 15 seconds per gift. "No
one has ever wondered which presents I wrap at Christmas," Marty
says. "They are the ones that look
like enormous spitballs."
I
must tell you, Bill has also wrapped some gifts, but he hates doing it. The reason he hates it is because he says he
can’t ever “make it look right.” There is of some kind of defect in his motor
skills because he can never COMPLETELY wrap them. He could take a gift the size
of a deck of cards and put it in the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the size of a regulation volleyball
court, but when he is done folding and taping, you can still see a section of
the gift peeking out. (Sometimes he
camouflages this section with a marking pen.) If he had been an ancient Egyptian
in the field of mummification, after the wrapping was completed, the lower half
of the dead Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape. On the other hand, if you give me a 12-inch
square of wrapping paper, I could wrap a C-130 cargo plane. I, like many women, actually LIKE wrapping
things. If I give a gift that requires batteries, I wrap the batteries
separately, (Which, I must admit, is very close to being a symptom of mental
illness. But… I digress….) Anyway, Bill
tells everyone that if it were possible, I would wrap each individual volt.
Hmm, sounds like a challenge…bet I could do it!
Anyway,
my point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills - like giving birth to babies - that
come more naturally to women than to men. Men also DON’T UNDERSTAND that wrapping is an
art-form; wrapping is a skill that must be cultivated, refined and individualized
to the recipient; they just don’t get that fact that even the recipient of a
piece of gum that is wrapped with care will notice the intent of the
wrapper and think, “WOW! This is
wonderful!!” They will then gaze
around the room and think, “Look, every
package has the same theme. This whole
room, and even the tree are coordinated in blues and pinks this year; unlike
last year when the ribbon had flecks of gold and copper that matched the lights
strung on the bushes outside and the chargers on which the dinner plates were placed. This person always puts so much time and thought
into every little detail of decorating and, oh, how ingenious, even wrapped
this piece of gum! We all know it didn't cost much, but, the fact that it is wrapped just proves that it truly is the
thought that counts. They must really
think I’m special to wrap this gum and give it to me. Oh Yum.
What a great gift.”
Bill
says, “Not! They’ll think, ‘WOW!
How stupid do they think I am…trying to camouflage this piece of gum with
wrapping paper? What is it made of? Frankincense or myrrh or something? Why didn't they just give me the gum, shove a glass of eggnog in my hand, wish me a
Happy Holiday and give me a hug? I'm tired of talking so much about this, it's BS, let’s
watch the game!’”
That
is why today I am presenting this simple advice for all males:
# Gift Wrapping Tips for
Men
1) Whenever
possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the recipient opens the
gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim that it's myrrh.
Side Note: The editors of
Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to make your own wrapping
paper by printing a design on it with an apple sliced in half horizontally and
dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch. I think I’ll try
it. Bill says, “They must be smoking crack!”
2) If
you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag and stick one of
those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is
sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning.
Side Note: WARNING! Bill says you might not want to try
this option because he tried it once with his first girlfriend and lets just
say, you won’t like how it turns out.
Here is what their
conversation sounded like:
GIRLFRIEND: "Why
is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?"
BILL: "It's a gift! See? It has a beautiful, shiny bow!"
GIRLFRIEND:
(peering into the trash bag): "It's a generator?"
BILL: "Gas-powered! Five horsepower! For Emergencies!"
GIRLFRIEND: "I’m
breaking up."
BILL: "Oh come on now honey, I also got you some myrrh…..”
In
conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you
wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that it
really IS “the thought that counts.”
But remember, when all else fails ….save
the receipt and have some myrrh handy!
Oh and by the way, you can purchase your Frankincense and Myrrh at Creative Health Living .
Happy Holidays To You All!!
